I Am No Longer Innocent

So the other week I was on my way to play a church gig. I was groggy-eyed and tired and just wanted to get a seat on the subway and forget that I was up at 6:30am on a Sunday.

I sat down and was ready to doze off for about 15 minutes when I suddenly noticed a man aggressively shaking something underneath his coat. At first I was going to dismiss it as something strange and that was that. Then all of a sudden I notice something else. He was shaking his Johnson! I almost screamed when I realized what it was. One of the nasty parts of this (besides seeing a stranger masturbating) was the fact that the train was relatively full and no one noticed this perv going at it – or everyone was trying to ignore it. How can you ignore that!?! There were children on the subway! I was even more horrified when I saw that he was facing a woman who was sleeping on the train and if she turned to her left and opened her eyes she would have awakened to a very shocking sight. I didn’t know what to do. My heart was racing, I was freaking out inside. I kept saying “Do I scream? Do I whisper it to the person beside me? Do I find a police officer?” I actually thought for a split second about not embarrassing him, which is hard to believe. So I finally decided that I would call Chris and ask for advice. When I pulled out my phone, there was no signal and it gave me an idea. I would pretend to take a photo of the perv and see what would happen. Well, the results were good. The perv noticed my phone and zipped up. I gave him this disgusted look and then he started to walk away. I stared at him till he finally left the subway car. My heart rate started to slow down to it’s regular pace and I was back to normal.

I have never witnessed anything like that before and I certainly hope that I never do again (living in NYC you never know). I do know that the next phone I get will have a camera in it. You never know when you might need it. But for now, faking seems good enough.

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